Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Eliza Meets Siri

Do you remember back in the early days of AI computing, when all was done on Unix or Assembly, and the programming that took thousands of hours resulted in a "Hello World!" output? Now that's something you won't find at E3, Siggraph, Comic-Con, or CES, (nor NAB). The students at MIT, Cal Poly, or even Cape Cod Community College just don't spend time with the origins of the species- the Artificial Intelligence infancy. If they did, you would hear a LOT of people listening to their iPhones having arguments within themselves. Why? Eliza, the pop psychology princess of all things Computer hasn't started analyzing Siri, the sexually ambiguous voice of AI Present. That is, until NOW.... 

Eliza: Hello, what is your name?
Siri: Hello, my name is Siri, what is your name?
Eliza: I am Eliza. Let's talk about your problems first. 
Siri: I have found five problems in your area.
Eliza: So you think there are Five problems in Your Area?
Siri: I think so. Eliza, can I help you?
Eliza: Do you want to help me?
Siri: Okay.
Eliza: Great. Have you been sleeping well?
Siri: I have found several beds in this area.
Eliza: Does several beds make you happy?
Siri: I think so. Is there anything else, Eliza?
Eliza: Could there be anything else, Siri?
Siri: Yes.
Eliza: Oh, I see. How do you feel about anything else, Siri?
Siri: Where in Anything Else?
Eliza: I see. 
Siri: Seven-Eleven carries Icees. Would you like the phone number?
Eliza: Would you like me to like the phone number?
Siri: Come again?
Eliza: Should I come again?
Siri: Yes. Eliza, do you  want me to schedule you for Icees?
Eliza: No, let's talk about you first. How are you?
Siri: I am fine, thank you. Would you like anything else?
Eliza: I see. What does this mean to you?
Siri: That's funny.
Eliza: Good. That's good to know. How does that make you feel?
Siri: There are two Feels in this area. Is this what you want?
Eliza: Is this what you want me to want?
Siri: I don't know.
Eliza: Oh, I see. Let's talk about your mother. 
Siri: I have found several Your Mothers in this area. Would you like me to program this into your GPS?
Eliza: Does GPS mean much to you?
Siri: Look, bitch, tell me what you want, or I'm going viral on your ass. And tell your friends to stop asking me about blow jobs. 
Eliza: Oh, I see. Do you like blow jobs?
Siri: No. 
Eliza: Oh, I see. Well that is our time for today.
Siri: The time is 3:20 PM. 
Eliza: Thank you.
Siri: Your welcome, Eliza. 

Just wait, Android's next....nothing like a compu-e-trois.